Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well

I like to think of myself as pretty good at communication. I’ve read a number of communication books, practiced it at work, and even held mediations. But this book taught me so much—about communication and about myself. Do you get sensitive and upset when people critique you? Do you wish you didn’t? And would you like communicating at work and at home to be like 10x’s easier? The other thing that’s really great about this book is, for every concept introduced, there’s a bunch of easy examples. Whether you know a lot about communication or not, this book has something to teach you.

I don’t remember reading a book as personally valuable. I train people to be on camera. They come to me for all different reasons. Psychologists, experts, those whose dream it is to be a talk show host, actors who want to reverse roles and interview people on the red carpet instead of being interviewed.I gave the book to a client who came to me for a consultation because I thought it would make our sessions go smoother and also help him succeed in his new career. I used it more in my personal than my professional life and probably need to read it a second time since I know I’m a tough case! It was truly that helpful and I usually never pick up any book that’s in the self-help/improvement or whatever you call it genre. I’m so glad that I did. Thanks Douglas and Sheila!

I use this book with my leadership team at work – novel idea, right? Work on the feedback *receiving* vs trying to change feedback *givers.* Feedback from my team is incredibly positive and growth mindset.

Amazing book!!!

I am already implementing some of the authors’ recommendations. I believe it is the type of book that if enough people read it could improve relationships, organizations and society. There is a lot here–and I suspect I will absorb new things when I re-read. (In case it helps to determine whether you might react similarly to me, I similarly got a lot out of the books Getting To Yes and Difficult Conversations).It was also nice to have humor and entertainment infused into such an important topic!

Great book for both the employee and the manager!It covers what constitutes good feedback, how to give it, how to solicit it, and how to deal with the world when you don’t get perfect feedback.The examples in the book were very practical, and the book was clearly written by a team that had lived what it wrote.I highly recommend this book.

One of the better books I’ve read about reviewing feedback. I think the authors do a great job and even supply end of chapter reviews.One thing I would say is some people in my book club have found the audio book very difficult to listen to, which is why I just picked up the book instead of going the audio route.

I recommend this for everyone, it provides powerful insight into why we have such a hard time receiving feedback – why its up to the receiver to lean into the learning. Lots of strategies to help you do that.

This is a book that should be read by everyone. This book is so well written. I would even say middle school to high school aged kids should read this book it just might help navigate through all of the nastiness and how it is delivered. There is a lot in this book that organizations could really use and implement. The entire last chapter is dedicated to HR and Senior Leaders in regard to feedback systems. In my company we might as well not have one 5 questions to talk about your year and that is usually the only time a feedback assessment happens. I got a lot out of this book from both sides of the equation being a receiver and a giver. We all give and receive feedback and the bottom line we can all be better at it. I got a lot out of this book and you can too. If you only read 1 book a year make it this one.

I wish this book had been written years ago! Insightful handling of a difficult subject with multiple examples to further define each topic, makes this engaging book an easy read. On the first go-around, I chose to read the book from cover to cover as an overview and will continue to use it as a quick reference/review using the index at the back of the book. If you’ve ever been frustrated by vague job reviews or troubled by unsolicited, negative comments, this is the book for you.

I based a workshop for a group of executives on my reading of this great resource. Thanks to both Doug and Sheila for continuing to contribute to the mastery of communication at work!

Zero throat clearing in this book. Just page after page of actionable advice to become a better communicator:elect to hear a comments as coaching, not an evaluation(if not you willl always be putting your identity and narrative on the line); be sure to place comments in context(being rejected for a dream job just means you’ve been rejected for that job, not that you will never find a job you like; give yourself a second score based on how you react to the first score(You Tube video bombs, then grade yourself on your reaction to how you react(and make it part of your identity;”I don’t always succeed, but I take an honest shot at figuring out what there is to learn from the failure.”; develop a growith mindset and toss away a fixed mindset. Great stuff.

I absolutely love this book. Yes… I mean it in the present. I keep it on my desk to reread portions every week because it is that good a book. I have heard it read to me by the authors no less than 3 times and reread it in written form twice.Why you may wonder? It is an utter delight (and so uncommon) to hear someone talk of communication as a responsibility of all parties involved. Those that receive feedback must have a framework to interpret feedback given (no matter whether it is done well or poorly by the provider) and this book aids the reader in identifying their own assumptions leading into a review process. It takes some of the pressure off both sides of the equation.For the receiver of feedback, embracing the realism and hope that this book projects from cover to cover is LIFE CHANGING. I am speaking from personal experience as this book changed my life. This book’s effect was not only in my giving and receiving professional feedback but also for my personal life. As an example, I have lost 65 lbs when I applied lessons from this text to my personal life.I personally enjoyed the audio book version even more as the authors offer through their tone and speech even greater insight. I bought the written version to review favorite passages.This book (in audio form) after a particularly difficult feedback session that could have destroyed my sense of self and professionalism, probably saved my life. It gave me a lens to interpret what had happened. This book offered a framework to understand why the feedback was so painful and, at the same time, so UTTERLY USELESS despite the givers’ best intent. Because of the authority with which these authors write, I was able to take back the power to make sense of the feedback that was offered as I lost my job as a spiritual leader. The feedback didn’t have to be what others said should be, think an indictment of personal and professional worthlessness. I was no longer a limited to what they insisted it should be (because that is what they wanted it to be) but instead given the power to use what was offered in helpful ways based on the reframing this book provided. I was able to develop and be a better human instead of being destroyed by the feedback I had received.To the authors… Thank you Stone and Heen… please know that you changed my life.

Great book

What I like about this book is that it’s easy to understand. I also like how they break it down. As a receiver of feedback it has taught me a lot of things. But the main things I like is how it gives examples. But also taught me what to look out for. An example would be the labels or for my blind spots that I may not see that someone else sees. In terms I use it for reference and to gain knowledge on receiving feedback better. And love taking notes and learning to use the skills.

Excellent book – will help you think critically about how to enhance all the relationships in your life.

This book was so helpful and growing on how to take feedback from people and how to give it

An enlightening book with very good suggestions and examples of how to receive and give feedback.

Giving and receiving feedback is a part of everyone’s life, but something many of us have given very little thought to and something that many people do poorly. I have been cognizant of the very poor feedback I have received, but never really thought about how that feedback failed me. Admittedly, much of the material is stuff one could figure out for one’s self if you devoted time to thinking about the problem. However, the book is very well organized, at times very insightful and mercifully, very humorous in parts. I found myself thinking nearly continuously that I wish I had know this stuff 25 years ago. This book is worth the investment of your time to read it. It will both educate and amuse. Highly recommended.

This was the 3rd book in a summer series of required reading for a leadership institute. I found a lot of helpful advice and techniques to incorporate as an administrative team member and department chair at a school. One of the highlights for me was that the authors gave sequential steps to generate a climate that embraces and effectively gives / receives feedback (and thus gives way to optimal learning).

Read this book before your next performance review and guide the conversation to a productive place.

Thanks For the Feedback brings a sensitive area, giving and receiving feedback, to an understanding and useable level for the manager and the employee.

A great readable synthesis of the interpersonal dialogue and feedback literature. It’s perspective is personal – dealing with our skills in giving and receiving feedback. It is practical and will enrich one’s thinking in this area. I think in many ways it sits at the nexus of the dialogue and group dynamic literatures and belongs in that group with a classic like Getting to Yes, but also Goldsmith’s new book, Triggers (dealing also with the personal side of interpersonal behaviors), and Roger Schwarz’s Smart Leaders, Smarter Teams among others in that genre, many whose genesis is rooted in the Harvard and MIT past projects in dialogue science.

I give this out to all my residents and have made some briefs from it to work with some of my more challenges department heads. When people ask me for my leadership philosophy indirect them first to this book as it was transformational in my leadership growth.

Great book – especially the first few chapters that get right to the point. The authors make a great point and focus that we need to shift focus from giving feedback to receiving it. I use it for my leadership class. Though it’s great I am still trying to improve on activities for students to get better at applying it. I think it’s great for both self and professional development (home and work life).

Buying one of these for each and every active client on my Leadership Development roster. Brilliant. Need I say more?

I give this out to all my residents and have made some briefs from it to work with some of my more challenges department heads. When people ask me for my leadership philosophy indirect them first to this book as it was transformational in my leadership growth.

ok this book is INCREDIBLE. I started reading it because I know that I (like most everyone in the world) could be better at receiving feedback and understanding where people are coming from. I did not expect to have an entire perspective change… this book isn’t only about feedback, it’s about life and relationships in general. I think every single person should read this book… it’s convicting and confronting with revealing the way we respond to feedback, why we respond the ways we do, and how we develop feedback for others. It touches on the importance of clarity, curiosity, asking questions and getting to the root of things instead of assuming or reacting (because we usually cannot see the whole picture!).I think every leader, team, student, athlete, parent, spouse, and literally anyone and everyone should read this book because it’s incredible, eye opening and will be so helpful to your personal growth!

​This is an excellent book that helps you to become a better listener and a better leader.

I absolutely love this book. Yes… I mean it in the present. I keep it on my desk to reread portions every week because it is that good a book. I have heard it read to me by the authors no less than 3 times and reread it in written form twice.Why you may wonder? It is an utter delight (and so uncommon) to hear someone talk of communication as a responsibility of all parties involved. Those that receive feedback must have a framework to interpret feedback given (no matter whether it is done well or poorly by the provider) and this book aids the reader in identifying their own assumptions leading into a review process. It takes some of the pressure off both sides of the equation.For the receiver of feedback, embracing the realism and hope that this book projects from cover to cover is LIFE CHANGING. I am speaking from personal experience as this book changed my life. This book’s effect was not only in my giving and receiving professional feedback but also for my personal life. As an example, I have lost 65 lbs when I applied lessons from this text to my personal life.I personally enjoyed the audio book version even more as the authors offer through their tone and speech even greater insight. I bought the written version to review favorite passages.This book (in audio form) after a particularly difficult feedback session that could have destroyed my sense of self and professionalism, probably saved my life. It gave me a lens to interpret what had happened. This book offered a framework to understand why the feedback was so painful and, at the same time, so UTTERLY USELESS despite the givers’ best intent. Because of the authority with which these authors write, I was able to take back the power to make sense of the feedback that was offered as I lost my job as a spiritual leader. The feedback didn’t have to be what others said should be, think an indictment of personal and professional worthlessness. I was no longer a limited to what they insisted it should be (because that is what they wanted it to be) but instead given the power to use what was offered in helpful ways based on the reframing this book provided. I was able to develop and be a better human instead of being destroyed by the feedback I had received.To the authors… Thank you Stone and Heen… please know that you changed my life.

This is a short review: This book is not just strong, it’s strong throughout. Most books in this category tend to have one or two big ideas, illuminated by a series of testimonials masquerading as case studies.Not so here: examples are small and illustrative, and the focus is squarely on how to handle feedback. Tons of good suggestions, a strong framework, and surprisingly broad and applicable coverage.

So much about feedback is from the perspective of the person giving it, but this book, based on research, is from the perspective of those receiving it. Brilliant book! It doesn’t matter whether you’re looking to improve your professional or personal life, this book on feedback will help you!

I just started reading the book and quickly realized that the book is about how to accurately evaluate signals coming our way, known or missed, from other people. The book is good enough to gift someone you love and for that I ordered another copy.

One of the best books I’ve ready in a while. Ordered extra copies for my team and managers to read.

This book was very insightful. The real world examples throughout the book helped to better understand each concept/approach. The chapter learning progression made for reading ease.

We are using this in health care training courses at a large university. It is a great teaching tool. If you have struggled receiving feedback, this is a really helpful tool. We highly recommend this book.

This book is well written and gives you a different perspective to think about when it comes to feedback. I can see how adopting the methods of this book you will become a much more rounded individual. You will also be able to relate to others better. This is a book I would recommend for anyone in the corporate workforce.

Stone and Heen have done an extraordinary job of deconstructing the feedback process. Their work is grounded in solid and recent research. They provide both a clear understanding of feedback from the giver and receiver’s point of view and a road map for accepting and welcoming feedback, no matter how it is given. The book is written in an easy to read, humorous style, yet is rich in content. I highly recommend it.Marcia Ruben, PhD, Assistant Professor and Management Department Chair, Golden Gate University and President, Ruben Consulting Group

I learned a lot and it was very helpful, insightful and gave great specific information. I highly recommend reading it!

Read the book and you will start empathizing with inept managers and good friends who struggle with complements and “advice.” It should be a required reading for everyone who supervises adults or children.This is on my “glad I read it” list.

Heard about this originally from a radio station and this book saved me in a job that I hated where I got unproductive criticism. This book taught me how to elicit more constructive criticism and helped me survive poor supervisors and bosses. And coworkers. I hardly buy books, but this was worth the paper copy.

This is my new favorite book for communication, management and leadership skills. The writing is well done with great examples, full context for understanding and recaps at the end of each chapter and one is able to apply the information immediately whether in conversation or to their own understanding of how they receive feedback.

Good book for self awareness and people interaction. I have recommended this book to many people and practice the techniques as much as I can.

I found this book very useful in lots of different social situations (family and friends, work groups, random acquaintances). In this age of political correctness it is hard to talk honestly about anything for fear of giving offence. This book turns the whole thing on it’s head—it’s more about GETTING and using feedback than about giving it. Lots of new insights to ponder. I got a second copy for my daughter who is just starting her career.

ok this book is INCREDIBLE. I started reading it because I know that I (like most everyone in the world) could be better at receiving feedback and understanding where people are coming from. I did not expect to have an entire perspective change… this book isn’t only about feedback, it’s about life and relationships in general. I think every single person should read this book… it’s convicting and confronting with revealing the way we respond to feedback, why we respond the ways we do, and how we develop feedback for others. It touches on the importance of clarity, curiosity, asking questions and getting to the root of things instead of assuming or reacting (because we usually cannot see the whole picture!).I think every leader, team, student, athlete, parent, spouse, and literally anyone and everyone should read this book because it’s incredible, eye opening and will be so helpful to your personal growth!