PETA’s Play on ‘Romeo and Juliet’

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Meet the Montalegumes

The Montalegumes are a clan of compassionate vegans who wouldn’t hurt a fly but who fiercely fight for a world without speciesism. They loathe the meat-loving Cholesterolets almost as much as dirty dairy or the “humane meat” myth. Romeo, the young heartthrob of the family, dreams of a love as pure as the soy milk he drinks, blissfully unaware that feelings might soon sprout in his heart for someone from the Montalegumes’ rival clan.

Meet the Cholesterolets

The Cholesterolets are a clan of carnivores who relish steaks as rare as any concern they might have for animals or the Montalegume family. Just like their arteries, their love for meat and hate for the Montalegumes have only hardened over time. They dream of a day when their beloved Juliet will marry a beefy man at the slaughterhouse (as long as it’s not that soy boy Romeo from the Montalegume clan).

“O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy slaughter and renew my plate. I’ve embraced the vegan life that you proclaim, and I’ll no longer be a Cholesterolet.”

—Juliet Cholesterolet

An illustration of the brawl scene from Romeo and Juliet.

“Do you snap your asparagus at us, sir?”

—Abram

“But oh, what great protein do nuts and legumes contain? It is my plate, and Juliet is the wealth of tasty, nutrient-dense vegan options available to us at every meal.”

—Romeo Montalegume

The barbecue scene from Romeo and Juliet.

The deathbed scene from Romeo and Juliet.

“These passionate delights can have explosive ends, like milk and cheese for a lactose intolerant person—one minute you’re in bliss, and the next, it’s a chaotic mess.”

—Friar Lawrence