The groundbreaking exploration of the facility of empathy by famend child-psychiatrist Bruce D. Perry, co-author, with Oprah Winfrey, of What Occurred to You?
Born for Love reveals how and why the mind learns to bond with others—and is a stirring name to guard our kids from new threats to their capability to like.
“Empathy, and the ties that bind individuals into relationships, are key parts of happiness. Born for Love is really fascinating.” — Gretchen Rubin, creator of The Happiness Venture
From beginning, when infants’ fingers instinctively cling to these of adults, their our bodies and brains search an intimate connection, a bond made doable by empathy—the power to like and to share the emotions of others.
On this provocative e-book, psychiatrist Bruce D. Perry and award-winning science journalist Maia Szalavitz interweave analysis and tales from Perry’s apply with cutting-edge scientific research and historic examples to elucidate how empathy develops, why it’s important for our improvement into wholesome adults, and find out how to elevate youngsters with empathy whereas navigating threats from technological change and different forces within the trendy world.
Perry and Szalavitz present that compassion underlies the qualities that make society work—belief, altruism, collaboration, love, charity—and the way difficulties associated to empathy are key components in social issues similar to battle, crime, racism, and psychological sickness. Even bodily well being, from infectious ailments to coronary heart assaults, is deeply affected by our human connections to at least one one other.
As Born for Love reveals, current modifications in expertise, child-rearing practices, schooling, and life are beginning to rob kids of obligatory human contact and deep relationships—the important basis for empathy and a caring, wholesome society. Sounding an necessary warning bell, Born for Love gives sensible concepts for combating the detrimental influences of recent life and fostering constructive social change to profit us all.
Big Chula –
The book is for my class. I’m really enjoying it! Thank you!
Salahuddin Hourani –
As if it a brand new, very clean and in excellent condition
Jaclyn Granado –
One of my favorite books.
Corey M Barton –
A necessary read to understand the importance of society.
Drea –
Dr. Bruce Perry thank you for sharing your important clinical work and research and making a difference in the lives of children and families.
Robert Hogarth –
This book contains many life insights as well as methodology to assist mental disease. The extensive use of case studies explains the new principles presented by the authors well. The link between oxytocin and empathy where empathy can reduce social disorders has apparent promise as a treatment strategy. The examination of ‘social capital’ present in Iceland was also fascinating – again more empathy leads to more trust and therefore more social harmony. An important factor regarding empathy is the authors’ reference to the golden rules in the major religions of loving your neighbor as yourself which they explain as follows: ‘All these “golden rules” show how greatly morality depends on empathy and our ability to see the world from other points of view….’ Empathy and the best value system work well together for social health and harmony. Easy to read and a good reference book.
Raymond W Curtis –
This book clearly identifies the great risk that our preoccupation with technology presents to our humanity and even more so to that of our children. Is the current political lack of respect and rancor along with indifference to those hurting in our country a result of our lost empathy?
Amazon Customer –
Great book.
Kindle Customer –
Everyone should read this book. I’ve learned so much. It’s eye opening and encouraging. It was written in a manner that held my attention.
leslie –
Great insightful book would recommend for any clinician or individual exploring effects of trauma
keely redding –
read ALL of his books and watch ALL available videos on youtube. he translates neurobiology into a digestible way that has helped me better understand myself, every person i encounter, and the society we live in. please, please, read this book.
nsports15 –
Great read – not done w/ it yet but opening up my mind and challenging me how to think about the brain science and psychology of empathy and development.
Sandra Marmar –
I am still reading this book and will undoubtedly reread it frequently, as I work with a fragile society that needs above all empathy. I found it so valuable that I not only bought the book, I also bought the kindle version, so that I can share passages and quotes where ever I am.
M-B –
Every future parent and our society as a whole should know about the developmental requirements and stages for a healthy, balanced, caring individual. Our society still has many wrong beliefs about this. Knowing is the first step, and from there rethink our society working backwards from this. This is how we truly make a better world.I highly reommend this book
Oklahoma Girl –
Our world is craving connection. We are created for it. Dr. Bruce Perry is gifted in explaining how our neurobiology explains this. This is a must read for every mental health professional, every educator and every parent!
Amazon Customer –
Despite the name, this is not a self-help book or a book trying to promote an ideology. It describes several aspects of empathy and the role it plays in peoples’ lives, using an objective, easy-to read popular science style. The authors handle well the complex topic, without pretending to have the answers to everything. The case studies give life to the book without descending in a melodrama.I enjoyed reading the book, and learned a lot from it.
Coyote –
This book has helped me realize that hwen confronted with conflict in the family, only by increasing the love-not the punishments, no the rewards, no the threats–do we get to untanlge things and grow more connected to our children.
JM LA –
Fantastic book- lots of insight on how important the early developmental year are for children. Also, great information regarding limiting screen time and why.
Karen Lewis –
Should be required reading for most new parents or anyone thinking about bringing a child into the world. This book will raise your social conscience in the ways you can improve your life and health for yourself and others
Simply Jeff –
This is one of the best books I’ve read in several months–maybe several years. It covers a lot of ground. Based in Perry’s knowledge of neuro-development and healthy human minds, it applies these insights to economic inequality, social trust, addictions, mental healthy and a whole bunch of other areas. Perry concludes that we live in a society that is fundamentally ignorant of what healthy brain development looks like.Take heart disease. Whereas most doctors would prescribe exercise, maybe some red wine, or something else, Perry would prescribe some new friendships and more nourishing face-to-face social interaction. It’s called “relational health”.Perry is particularly critical of child welfare institutions, criminal “justice” institutions, and other barbaric social rituals that Americans regularly engage in.What I found most surprising–and interesting–was his criticism of many psychotherapists, especially those who unfailingly encourage their clients to “love themselves first” even if this means quickly leaving relationships and spending more time alone. Perry thinks that relationships are crucial to human health and the important thing is to learn how to communicate and empathize, not simply to leave your partner at the first sign of trouble. A rare voice indeed.I unconditionally recommend this book to anyone who wants to live a better life or who cares about the world.
Trudie Groves –
there was nothing i disliked about this book. I enjoy each story, they showed me how some people have no empathy at all because they were never taught.
Max Marie Mcintosh –
Although it includes enough research data to be credible to professionals, it is well-written enough for anyone to understand. An amazing book that underscores the importance of human relationships for brain functioning and also describes ways to build the vital capacity for empathy and the dangers when this doesn’t happen.
Yeshi –
A good read.
Sarah –
Read this if you have read the boy who was raised as a dog! Dr Perry is awesome when it comes to working with children who have endured trauma! It’s a must read if you are a foster or adoptive parent!!
DMR –
Very interesting subject and it is explained very well in this book. It really helped me in my profession as an educator and understanding my students better.
M. Powers –
Easy to read. Extremely insightful. Wonderful relevant research. If people took the time to read this before deciding to have children the world would be a much better place. And for those who don’t like to read maybe a documentary needs to be done? This information is too important not to be shared with everyone.
Amazon Customer –
great read
lauren –
This is a beautifully written book on an important topic. The connection between developmental trauma, human connection and empathy are expertly explained. This book will make you sad and hopeful all at the same time. Love love love!
Lindsay S. –
Excellent read, would highly recommend. It was required for my masters degree in mental health counseling, but I would have read it regardless. Worth the money and time.
ELMichaelson –
Wonderfully articulated the connection between neurological development and empathy among many, many other imperative factors that influence relational and physical health.
Rachel Bland –
Such an easy to read and thoughtful piece on brain development. This book helped me understand myself,my son, my husband and many of my reactions to life experiences. Very informative.
Kim P. –
Very good book. Super informative. Also check out The boy who was raise as a dog.
Amazon Customer –
great follow up to boy raised as dog.
Bailiya –
I think this is the first time I’ve written a review on Amazon. I stumbled upon this book on a personal journey to understand empathy – and whether empathy is a cause for or effect of a better world.As a working woman, there are aspects of this book that are personally challenging to my life and career, and yet the book rings so true in my experiences that it would be foolish to ignore its lessons.This book defies traditional genres. Regardless of what you were looking for when you stumbled upon this book, it probably has more songs for the heart than you would guess from the title, and I highly recommend it to you and yours.
Angela N. –
Very informative book in excellent shape.
Elizabeth –
A must-read for anyone in the social services, education, health, public policy, government, etc. BASICALLY ANYONE WHO WORKS WITH OR FOR PEOPLE. Please please consider reading this book!
Donna R. Brown –
important information for everyone
Clifford Nelson –
This is one amazing book. It is primarily about the importance of empathy in raising children, but also the importance for adults and for society in general.For my Quaker friends, I would to say that this book demonstrates how correctly most Quakers approach their life and relations to others…with empathy. I am sure that I and my two sons are much better for having gone to Quaker schools and having Quakers as friends. If everybody had the empathy that Quakers tend to demonstrate this world would be so much better. I would also like to say that I have found that the Mormons have demonstrated this much better than society in general.To my dance friends: at the end of Chapter 9 he talks about music and dance bringing people together, and how good it is as a stress reliever.Chapter 6 is about a boy Ryan, a protected spoiled rich kid, who was brought up mostly by nannies. To make matters worse, during his first 3 years of life he had 18 nannies because his mother was finding that Ryan was bonding to the nannies and not her (surprised). This meant that he learned to shut down is bonding, and thus his empathy. He later brought a 15-year-old developmentally disabled girl to his party where he raped her and made her put on a show for his friends. His response to dong this was that he was doing the girl a favor. Makes me think of the likes of Trump and Kavanaugh.I think how we send American kids to war where they learn to be abusive to others and think how this cannot be good for our society. To make matters worse we dehumanize the enemy to make it more likely our soldiers will not picture the people in these foreign countries as human so they do not feel remorse at killing or torturing them. American Imperialism is destroying empathy and thus damaging this country.
DawnCT –
This is the first book I’ve ever highlighted on my own. It was so chock-full of information, examples, & anecdotes that I got a solid grasp on each aspect of empathy’s development that he discussed.It was a little techy – there was a lot of discussion of brain anatomy, cells, neurons, & stuff like that, but it was all worth it. Please read it if you are a parent…or a teacher or a police officer or a different public official, or a public policy writer. Our children & families need protection!
Kenneth D. McNutt –
Great book. Fast delivery
Valentina –
great book not only for parents..you find great things about human development..since you’re infant till you grow you’ll find the path to empathy..
Amazon Customer –
Bruce Perry’s style of delivering info in a digestible way never fails. Highly recommended for all who work with kids.
Nora Staffanell –
I believe that this book is utterly important to people who want to understand how important empathy is to human survival.
Kim –
Dr. Bruce Perry is exceptional at explaining in ordinary terms how a child’s brain develops and how we as parents and foster parents can help our children develop empathy for others and how important that is for their own development and happiness.
Nancy –
Excellent book!!!
Jenl –
Super facinating look at how integral attachment really is. Many parents and foster parents I work with have a very hard time understanding how a child can be so impacted by a time they cannot remember. Bruce Perry explains the preverbal imprinting process very well with stories of cases that range from identifiable trauma to the more subtle and less understood. I read this book in a matter of days.
Melanie G. –
Awesome book, in great condition.
Ellen Jacobs –
This book is full of facts and information that reflect cultural and individual needs and differences. Our need to love and be loved is examined from many angles, with support given for the essence of the book, as seen in it’s title.
Alberto –
Do yourself a favor and read this book.
Marilyn Pasquarelli –
Excellent writing and very poignant. A must for anyone working with traumatized children or adults-will give you incredible insight in their treatment. Marilyn Pasquarelli, Ph.D.
Laura –
Anyone thinking about becoming a parent NEEDS to read this book. Loads of stories and information about the importance of good childcare from day one. GREAT BOOK!
Shelley Calissendorff –
A MUST READ for ALL parents including yet-to-be-parents!
Trixie –
I absolutely loved this book. It was written well, always engaged the reader and was never too slow, dry or boring like many non-fiction books can be. I enjoy the authors’ style, sense of humor and flow. They had a very good balance of introducing examples/case studies that demonstrated the importance of empathy, and explaining the science and inner workings behind it. This kept the book interesting and also allowed the reader to understand the implications and meaning of what the authors were teaching in more than one way. Another thing I like about this book was the leveling it showed between races and socioeconomic statuses, because when it comes down to it all people are the same. For example, the wealthy American teenager with multiple nannies in infancy developed Attachment Disorder–just like the adopted Russian teenager who spent her first two years in a crowded orphanage with dozens of workers. The book also gave examples of programs to promote empathy, explained how it is a necessity to not just people being “nice”, but societies as a whole prospering, and what everyone should (and sometimes should not) do in order to create a happier, more empathetic world where everyone can live the best life possible. This is best, most interesting psychology book I’ve read in a long time. I would recommend and even demand that everyone who can read it does so.
Susan Bengston –
Excellent Author and great book!
Rebecca Carol –
Very insightful!!
Brendan –
A useful edition to any dialogue on empathy and the role of empathy in the development of successful relationships in adulthood. Dr Perry adds to the field in sharing advances in neuroscience in relation to therapy and intervention for traumatised children. Excellently written in plain language for all to enjoy and learn from. Recommended.
denmarsark –
“We are all born for love. It is the principle of existence, and its only end,” quoted from Disraeli,is how Perry and Szalavitz start an exploration of how children learn to love-or not. Perry is an international expert on how childhood trauma, abuse or neglect leaves developmental gaps in a young girl or boy’s brain. More importantly, he tells what we can do about it. Szalavitz is an award-winning science journalist who creates a coherent narrative of the ten children and their families who are the characters of this book. No work of fiction is as compelling as entering the lives of these young children and their journey to young adulthood.Humans need the capacity for empathy-without it, the ability to love is lost. These children are hungry, even desperate for love, and hungry for learning, but the deficits in brain development due to the trauma, drama and chaos of the first four years of life, during which their brains were literally organizing, resonates down their early years. Perry makes the case that all the “Golden Rules” in major religions show how “morality depends on our ability to see the world from other points of view. And this starts with mirror neurons.” Right there is what makes this book unique; what we experience as religious, moral and ethical choices in life all begin with what our brains are capable of. “Empathy is the basis of compassionate action…the foundation of trust, which is necessary for the successful functioning of everything from relations to families to governments and, yes, to economies.”What I love about Perry’s approach, though, is the lack of moralizing. Here’s what happened to this kid’s brain and when; here’s the consequences of that, now and in the future. Let’s find out where the gaps are in brain development, fill in the gaps, and help the kid make better choices. It’s a simple process of science-based assessment and treatment, with positive outcomes. It’s not easy, but doable. Children, families, schools, neighborhoods, county/state child welfare systems, all benefit when the kid moves from raging and hurting to soothing and healing.Perry doesn’t offer psycho-pablum, such as “all kids are resilient, they’ll get over it.” When early trauma is intermittent and moderate, a child can be resilient; but when the trauma is sustained and severe, the child is vulnerable, not resilient, and needs help delivered in a way that maximizes brain change and healing. These children need connection, need claiming and consistency, not shuttling them from one foster family or treatment center to another.Perry prescribes six “R’s” in his approach: playful engagement needs to be rhythmic (to affect deep down in the brainstem), repetitive (creating patterns), relational (safe, stable), relevant (geared to child’s developmental stage, not chronological age), rewarding (pleasurable) and respectful (of the child, family and culture). Without intervention, they rage, act out, hurt themselves, their families, other children, end up in detention, homeless, insane or in prison. As a society, we need to make good choices about how we spend our charitable and tax dollars on child trauma and neglect; otherwise these children make brain-traumatized choices that cost them and us much pain, injury, money and lives. No empathy breeds impaired, broken and lost relationships; loving, thoughtful care creates well brains, good choices and productive lives.
Joyce Bruce –
Love it
Ruby Usman –
Thank you Bruce for writing this book.As a person who has experienced sexual abuse as a child, I know how important your message is and after reading your book, I have embarked upon this journey of shifting consciousness and transforming people as best as I can… Empathy with Self and with others is the foundational key to creating a life where we can be happy and healthy
Dakotason –
This is a thorough consideration of the challenges of working with traumatized young people, but presented in a non-academic and very readable manner. Well done.
Kaitlynn M Jackson –
Phenomenal read.
Anne-Lyse De Guio –
A favorite present when my friends become grandparents. How do we teach empathy to our children, how do we help them to become compassionate human beings. This great book by Bruce Perry and Maia Szalavitz. It is at once highly scientific and easy to read. It is a terrific complement to its predecessor “the boy who was raised as as a dog”
Bernice –
I have ordered this book for several friends that work with children and parents.
Toni Detherage –
As both a parent and a professional who works with families, I can’t say how appreciative I am to these authors for writing a book that takes the very clinical and technical issues of trauma and human development and somehow turns healing processes into something the rest of us can really understand how to do. They have a remarkable way of linking the human story to the greater need to understand the long term impacts of complex trauma and the developmental barriers associated with trauma and neglect. If a book could shine, this one would.
J. B. –
Please. I really want you to. It’s an eye opener and has some interest psychology in there. Who doesn’t like the human brain and psychology?
Magicwithin –
Must read
Irene –
Born for Love is a wonderful read! I now understand even more about empathy and why it’s important. I always knew the first three years were the most important, but I now have a deeper understanding of why. Dr. Perry’s real-life examples are excellent in helping with understanding the point he is trying to convey. I read everything he writes and hope to one day see him at a seminar or workshop.His chapter “On Baboons” was beneficial in helping me understand my boss and what has been happening to me with all the stress and my health (this chapter helped me realize I need to quit my job and start my own business). I read the chapter to my mother to help her understand why people stay in hopeless situations; for example, my brother has a lot of stress in his marriage, and now my mother understands what he’s going through.I find myself quoting from the book and telling others some of the stories to explain my understanding why people are doing what they do. But like his other book, “The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog,” I need to read this one again to absorb all the information.You will never regret getting this book, especially if you work and help children who are young (although it helps with understanding who others turn out like they do).
Jill F –
More information on the brain, development and trauma that Bruce Perry is known for through his previous work, especially on Neuralsequential Model of Therapeutics.
Judith –
Again, in Born For Love Bruce Perry, M.D. explains in great detail what many of us need to know about children. Excellent!
Den –
Awesome
Biblio Phil –
Research in this area is long overdue. I am, as a juvenile corrections educator, convinced that building empathy is our only chance out of the crisis.
Dr. Jonathan Lang –
Beautifully written by coauthors. Detailed case histories of resilient kids who not because their families were adequate but because others helped them overcome the abuse suffered in childhood. In portraying their cases the authors reveal their own capacity for empathy. Well-done!
Gale Rome –
This is a much needed book for all of our society today. Very readable and full of great new information about brain theory, recent sociological studies, ethics, etc.. I can’t say enough about it and have been telling everyone I know to read it.(ps—I don’t usually post these reviews. This is an exception!.)
Jeremy J. Gallagher –
Dr. Bruce Perry is the rock star of child trauma research and his books should be required for anyone working in child protection, corrections or in schools. I actually enjoyed “Born For Love” more than “The Boy Who Was Raised As A Dog.”
mrs.steffen –
It was a gift for my fiance’s sister who is a school psychologist. she says the book is a great read.
Scarlett Custer –
Probably all anybody needs to know to raise a happy empathetic taxpayer or help a damaged individual.
MREREADER –
This book is very interesting. It eaily explains the compexities of the brain and how early nurturing positively impacts the brain and children’s development. I bought this for a graduate class but would recommend the book to anyone interested in the brain or in fostering children’s development.
sandlot7 –
great book on empathy!
Ann –
This book is just good information.
Leonor Cristal –
Reading this book I discovered so many things about the way our brain develops, the effects of trauma in those development stages and the amazing life stories of the persons described in the book. As a Reiki Therapist and a student of Transpersonal Psychology the book was very helpful. But most of all, as a human being, the book gave further proof of the vital importance of love in our lives, not just as a concept or as a romantic dream, but Love as the glue that holds everything together and the flame of Life. Love does support all and embraces all. And as we all, as a species and as a culture, truly realize this, the world will be a new and better place.
Juan Dejo –
Brian Perry takes note on different experiences he has had as a renowned therapist to prove the idea that empathy is correlated with care and love during the first years of childhood. As simple and apparently evident as it seems, his hypothesis emphasizes the importance of the relationship between an extended idea of family which supports and relieves to face stressful situations in the course of life. Very touching and useful to go deep in the importance of Empathy as a new paradigm in the analysis of human nature looking for clues to build a more comprehensive and harmonic society.
Kelli Aiken –
This is a must read for parents and professionals who work with children and families!These case studies show us the negative effects of a lack of positive relationships, but also gives us hope, with ways that we can intervene that can and will make a significant impact!
gloria –
What more can I say? The book came in pristine. Plus a lovely handwritten thank you on the receipt
Lisa W. –
My boyfriend and I are both reading this book. It’s eye opening as to the impact and need for empathy. We’re both really enjoying it.
Kindle Customer –
I read this as I was particpating in a web seminar with the author. Excellent account, very readable, of new developments in brain science
Edward A Bascom –
It very insightful on the importance of empathy and the developing mind. It he breakdown of the undeveloped mind and the limbic system interrelations with our body incredible
trista –
I purchased this book for college, but it is a great book to read.
BookReader12 –
This is a great and insightful book. If you enjoy learning about the brain, this book is definitely for you. I have read Dr. Perry’s other book, The Boy Raised as a Dog, and that one was great as well (maybe just a tad bit better). This book explains how constant love, attention, and affection are necessary for children to develop empathy. Born for Love gives examples of Dr. Perry’s clients as well as a few studies done on rats. I would definitely recommend this book, especially for social workers!
DG –
A must read – Bruce Perry is a master at making neuroscience accessible. Everyone who touches the lives of children will be inspired and informed. I gave copies to my children (now parents), a dean at a large university, and a children’s therapist with instructions to read and pass it on.
Lisa F. –
Wow! Wonderful insights into how our children grow and develop and the detriment of their healthy growth when they are deprived of love. The book provides the development of empathy in our children and how the neglect of such development affects normal brain development and social adjustment.