When I first found out I was pregnant I had zero idea who to talk to. Eventually I told my two best friends that I was pregnant, and they just stopped me talking. They didn’t want to hear any more; they were worried that being involved with abortion could affect their success through the ‘sin of association’.
So, I tried Google and it didn’t help much. I remembered I saw someone tweet about Tamtang and they gave information about a clinic that wasn’t too far from my place. I ended up driving there and back alone.
Almost a year later one of my friends sent me information about a workshop Tamtang was hosting for people who’d had abortions. I wasn’t sure whether to go at first, but then I thought why should I have to keep this secret? Why can’t I talk to anyone about my experience? I’m glad I went. It unlocked so many feelings and I managed to overcome my fears in talking about my abortion.
At that time, the abortion law was about to change and so many people were talking about it.
I started tweeting in favour of legal abortion and got some hate comments. Eventually I was sharing my own experience publicly on social media as people were questioning me, and I wanted to be able to say, ‘I know, because I experienced this first-hand’.
After my story kind of went viral I spoke with my boss about an idea to start a podcast about abortion. I was getting so many direct messages from people telling me they’d had abortions, but they didn’t know who to talk to, or how to deal with it. I got a lot of hateful comments, telling me I was a killer, but I also had people thanking me for telling my story, as they were dealing with similar situations and feelings. So I knew it was important to keep up the conversation.
I started the podcast a couple of years ago and we have almost 100 episodes now.
In one of the episodes we spoke to quite a famous journalist who’d had an abortion. We discussed why we felt like we had to keep our abortions secret, what society does to us. I think it’s really powerful to hear a famous person like this speak out loud about having had an abortion. It’s like she’s proud she got to make a decision of her own. She’s successful and beautiful and I look at her and it makes it easier to talk about my story. I try to show people I’m actually OK and I can still be successful and achieve what I want.
It’s quite emotional to remember the day the abortion law changed.
I went into parliament and shared my experience and have worked with Tamtang to lobby politicians. I felt proud to be part of progress.
I still remember how it felt to be so alone at the time I had my abortion. I had so many friends but couldn’t call anyone. That moment made me feel like maybe someone in my position may have it a bit easier now.
I still would like to see abortion completely decriminalised.
It should be as easy and safe as possible. I would like to see people be able to talk about having abortions like it’s anything else. And that anyone trying to make a decision about pregnancy knows where to go and who to talk to.
I know there are many people working on this topic, but it never feels like enough – how can we just have a few groups working on something that affects so many people. It could happen to anyone – I never knew I would be in that situation but it’s actually really common.
May is a volunteer for Tamtang Group, a Safe Abortion Action Fund grantee partner based in Bangkok, Thailand. You can read more of their stories on the Safe Abortion Action Fund website.
